nesting

I need to take some photos of the ALMOST complete kitchen-- I am one backsplash away. However, I spent the past two days cleaning the living room/kitchen area. Next is the baby's room. Yea! : ) exciting. There was some people switching jobs in my agency this week which caused some concern. But I am assured all is well and I am still on the list and still moving forward hope hope... Today I got a migraine and it was probably the worst ever. Have no idea what triggered it... but it was scary to be home alone and that sick. So I drove to my folks house six blocks away and slept for three hours on their couch. Little things like that make it better. I am excited to tackle the baby's room-- but right now it is full of all the things I don't really need in the kitchen. All the essentials have been already put away, so it is all the crap I don't want to deal with. That and layers of construction dust that makes me sad. But it will all be worth it and happy and exciting when the crib is put together and it looks like a baby can actually come into my life! :)

That's all for now. Can't think about it too often or I go a bit crazy. That is why the posts are few and far between. I just have to let time pass and let that list get shorter. I think I'll call tomorrow and see if I have moved up at all. Tick tock...

one step closer...

#8 on the BABY BOY LIST.....

waiting waiting waiting....


This weekend was Thespian Convention-- success for many students and a positive experience! All weekend I thought, next year I'll have a baby boy. How will I do this? I imagined him running for days in the halls of the convention center. Nesting continues at home. Can't wait for Winter Break to rearrange and clean! :)

waiting... waiting...

anywhere from 3 to 7 months. tick tock tick tock... my students collected sackfuls of amazing donations to the new IAN orphanage in Ethiopia. It got me excited. But I have to keep a lid on it or I'll go crazy. 3 to 7 months.... waiting waiting waiting...

I'm on the list!

Whooo hoo! Finally! "You are # 15 on the infant girl list and you are # 9 on the infant boy list." These are words I've been waiting to hear. That means my dossier is ready to go to DC and then Ethiopia. I got my i700 back from the USCIS and I am on my way! :)

Hope hope hope

Today I hope I'll get an email from my adoption coordinator that all is OK with my dossier and they can send it in. I also have to wait for my I600 to come back from the USCIS which will enable me to bring an orphan home to the US. However, that is supposed to be back in a week. :)
Ok-- clarification- USCIS Form I-600A (Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition) is done before you know what child you will bring home. This allows the USCIS to first process the application that relates to your ability to provide a proper home environment and your suitability as a parent. Then, once a child who meets the INA's definition of orphan is identified, you must file USCIS Form I-600 (Petition to Classify Orphan as an Immediate Relative) on behalf of the child.

When I was at IAN on Friday they said that the USCIS had approved me. Cool.

Next step is once I get on the list IAN will try to match me with what I requested on my home study. A boy between infant and 17 months. There are at least 4 families on the list ahead of me wanting baby boys. I might then get an older child-- more toddler age because of that. IAN will send me a photo of a baby and ask for approval. I'll get a minimal medical info chart on the child. I believe I could request further medical testing at my expense. Some people request a video tape of the child and then send that to special international adoption doctors who evaluate milestones of the child via video tape. I don't know much about this part--I have to research it more.

Then once I say, YES THIS IS MY BABY. They work to get me on the court dates in Ethiopia. Once I get a court date, I plan my trip to Ethiopia, about two weeks after the court date (i believe... I could be completely wrong, but this is what I gather). So that is what I am waiting for.

Fin

I turned it ALL in to my adoption agency on Friday--all the redo docs certified by the state. YEA!!! I sat and double checked that all the documents were in. My USCIS is almost cleared and then they will send the whole package to DC to get a green light (usually takes a week or so) and then off to Ethiopia! :) Whooo-hooooo.... I could be on "the list" by Monday! Cross fingers and toes that everything in the Dossier is A-O-K! :) Can't wait to be on the list for a referral....

on my way now...

Since it is "fall break" I have taken advantage of the time off from school. Today I used 1/2 tank of gas-- tomorrow maybe the other 1/2! I ran all over Denver to redo all those documents that were "wrong." And I have to say going to these places in person, makes things happen. From my insurance/hospital to the City of Denver Police Administration building, I got the documents I needed. In the Police Admin building after talking to several people and on a phone to someone upstairs behind the bullet proof glass, the main man who could solve my problem said, "I think God wants you to have a baby" because the man who had been out of the office all day and the other man who was on call for court and could leave at any moment, both walked into his office at the same time to sign and notarize MY document. I was able then to take all my documents to the Sec. of State again to get certified and they should be ready tomorrow at noon(ish). SOOOO tomorrow I should be able to take them all back to IAN again and MAYBE just maybe (cross your fingers with me) I'll get on the list for a referral! :) Yea! And my kitchen is looking good too! :)

"You should blog about that Ms Hann"

Getting lots of emails about the scary status of adoptions in Ethiopia. Turns out that some US and European people who have adopted in the past have not been culturally sensitive. Therefore the Joint Council on International Children's Services has put together some guidelines or principles for intercountry adoptions. It is just worrisome that for whatever reasons the country could suddenly decide not to grant adoptions any longer. I am to study up more on Ethiopian culture and modern traditions especially when it comes to child rearing. I will follow through with that. I for one cannot imagine adopting a child from another country and ignoring their heritage. To celebrate culture--including the history, music, art, theatre, architecture, celebrations, and traditions is what makes life fulfilling, rich, and interesting. There are other principles about staying in a guest house vs hotel in while in Ethiopia and not touring in public with the child. I understand that and I was planning on staying at a guest house. It is all very interesting. I need to FINISH the dossier and get in line ASAP.

busy week-- on hold

My fall play Paganini opened this week, so that means I've been operating on way less sleep than usual and that I had to put my Dossier on hold for the past two weeks. I will jump head first into fixing all my errors this coming week and then I'll get on the list and on the way to my baby! :) Yea!

The good news is that I NOW have a dishwasher! It is installed and I am using it for the first time right now. I haven't had a dishwasher since 1998. AMAZING! :)

2nd adoption class

Maybe it was because I have so much on my plate right now, but today's adoption class was tough to sit still. I open my fall play on Thursday and we are in the crunch of painting the set, tightening the pace of the show, and still figuring out motivations and through lines of the plot. It is a crazy farce show which is more difficult than I anticipated. But I am very excited about an audience finally seeing this. The class... I don't even know what it was about. I guess the right language to use when talking about adoption. Not "real" mother, but birth mother. Not IS adopted, but WAS adopted as it is a ONE time event. Things like that. And then exploring the fact that our kids will come with baggage that might be seen in things like grief, loss, intimacy, guilt and shame. A little bit about celebrating the culture of our children. And financial planning. Maybe it is the teacher in me and knowing that sitting for 4 1/2 hours and having no real interaction is not an effective way to learn. Maybe it is because I took HOURS of education classes and child development classes to become a teacher. But I didn't learn anything new today. I really felt like it was common sense. Hmmm...

Funny video

So this has NOTHING to do with my adoption. But saw this video on one of my friend's facebook sites and it is great. Scarily I have tapes like this that are serious. Oh those late 70's early 80's this is how you communicate stuff. Too funny. Watch here

on the road again

Today I found the USCIS center in Aurora, CO and got my biometric fingerprints done. It took all of 10 minutes and cost $80. Of course it took about 20 minutes to get there. But just one more thing to check off the list. I am in the process of redoing the forms I need to do. The only two that are a pain are the criminal clearance and the insurance forms. Otherwise all others are doable. I think I'll wait to get them notarized down in the Wells Fargo Building downtown where I get them certified. That way they won't only be notarized on the same day, they'll be notarized AND certified on the same day. Beat that! Ha! Good feelings....

so upset

After 3 months of collecting and running all over the city and waiting in wait rooms to talk to the right person and mailing in requests and paying money to get certain forms and arranging a sub for the past 3 days to get everything certified downtown, I finally turned the dossier in yesterday. Just got an email. NINE items need to be redone. The main reason-- LEARN THIS NOW-- the date you have on every form, every place you sign, must MATCH the date of the notary. Like when you write a letter, don't date it at the top. Just add a blank next to the signature of the letter and make sure you don't sign it/date it, until you are in front of the notary.

The other thing that got me-- my main notary, I checked that she was registered with the state and her commission doesn't expire until 2012. However, her stamp was "non-compliant" with the Sec. of State. They have to have a circle or a square around their name and "notary" and their "My commission expires on date" has to be outside that circle or square. My notary had no square. So all of her documents need to be redone. UGH. Sadness.

You take three steps forward, one step back. Now to move forward.

Dossier in--- wait a minute...

I raced out of school and drove like crazy to get to IAN today to drop off my Dossier. As I drove back to school like a demon to get to my class, I felt lighter. Finally, that bundle of important paperwork that I have been working on and collecting for the past three months was DONE. And now that it is turned in I "get in line" and might be number 4 for a baby boy! Which is sooo cool.

THEN, on my way out of school at 6PM I got a voice mail from IAN saying there are some elements of my dossier that need to be "fixed." I do not like the sound of that at all. I started getting upset because if it is something as simple as like the wording of one of my letters, then ugh. I feel like I should have taken the whole thing in BEFORE I got everything notarized and certified. I've had to get a sub for my class for three days to get these things done. It's crazy. She said she was going to email me, but there is no email. As soon as I know what needs to be fixed I'll post about it. Maybe someone else will benefit from my misery! So many hoops, keep jumping higher and higher. There is a baby boy at the end of this journey.

hmmmm

I was so excited today as I went to school...driving to school is funny because I live across the street. However, I knew that I was to return to the Sec of the State this morning to pick up my COMPLETED dossier. And if I don't move my car in the AM, then my contractor parks behind me and it's an issue. Anyhoo, I was so excited as I waited for my off period. Then I got a call. Sadly they told me that one of the documents could not be certified at all because it was a copy--that's the one IAN gave me, so that made me sad. And that 7 others couldn't be certified because the notary wasn't "compliant." I was immediately sad and deflated. I was ready to drive the whole thing to my agency today--got a sub for my 5th period so I could go do it. And now... another step back. When I got there, I realized it was my school notary was non-compliant because she didn't have a box around her name in the stamp. It was so silly and odd. But stopped my process. I asked if I could go to the Wells Fargo in the basement of the building and re-notarize the same pages. They didn't know, but that's what I ended up doing. The Wells Fargo notary was very nice and re-notarized my bad documents. And I called IAN and they are sending the original homestudy to the Sec. of State themselves and it will come back in 2 days-- so all hope is not lost! I will probably be able to STILL be done with this by Friday!!! :) I brought the new documents back to the Sec of State worried because I thought I'd have to leave them overnight again. But this woman took pity on me and rushed them for free and gave them to me. Along with her card to send her a photo of my baby! :) Yea!

News...

Today I slipped down to the Sec of State and took my dossier in to get certified!!! :) Tomorrow I am supposed to return to pick it up and then I can hand it off to my agency! Whoo hoo! :)

Comments are welcome...

Last night I started to read other blogs by people who have brought their babies home. I got excited and scared and nervous and excited... and bummed out. When I saw that one woman was getting an average of 47 comments per entry I got sad. I'm not very popular around here. So I am encouraging all to leave COMMENTS! I love them! I check all the time. And then sadness to see only 5 comments post to my last 6 entries. :( But people tell me they are reading it... they just don't like to go public with their reading. Hmmmm... So POST AWAY! :)

Emotions

Lately people have been asking how the adoption is going... and I have been waiting since Sept. 7 for the Police to mail me my clearance... I've been getting down because it was taking so long. And yet, I just got home and walked in and searched my mail frantically and IT'S HERE! So now I can take my dossier to the Sec. of State and get it DONE. I am so excited. At the same time I am emotional. Starting to doubt if this really will ever happen and how long I'll have to wait. The unsureness. This morning I was singing in the shower. I started to sing "Baby Mine" and started to cry. Ugh. What is up with that? I want so badly to have it finished and get a referral...

Baby Mama

I watched "Baby Mama" today--the film with Tina Fey as a 37 yr old trying to get pregnant and then getting a surrogate to carry her child. And while a comedy, the first 7 minutes of the film were too real. This woman who has dedicated herself to her career for the past 15 years while others were having babies and then waking up at 37 and realizing she WANTS a child and since she's single to do it alone. She goes through infertility treatments with her doctor telling her, "I just don't like your uterus." When questioned about adoption she answers it will take 3 years and her family asks her to please not bring home a "black baby like Angelina." And her mother saying that not everyone will be as supportive of her alternative life style-- in which Tina responds, being single isn't an alternative life style. Funny, huh? Not to me... too real. Of course the film ends with her falling in love with a hot man and ending up pregnant... Not following through with the adoption. There is one moment when the baby she has been planning on welcoming into her life doesn't happen and I cried-- she didn't, but I did. Investing in adoption is tough. Tougher than many think before going through it. Yesterday I started to investigate Kazakhstan adoptions because of the scare of shutting down single women adoptions in Ethiopia. You have to stay in country for up to 60 days to adopt from there. There are many more hoops to jump through. I'm waiting to hear from my agency to see how real the threat of shutting down will be and if I should start investigating new countries... we will see...

Ethiopian news

I got an email from my agency today. It is scary. The Ethiopian courts will be closed until the end of this month. Because of that the adoption traffic has slowed down. Also my agency is no longer accepting NEW single women applicants because they are unsure how long Ethiopia will continue to allow single women to adopt. Also more families are interesting in adopting from Ethiopia which will mean longer wait times on getting a referral. This worries me-- maybe I should start investigating other countries? Hmmm... why is it so hard to become a mom? After thinking about having a child since I was 22 and trying for 2 full years on my own, it has felt so good to have a final decision made and being so close to completing my dossier. And now that dream is becoming fuzzy. Scary.

I found this interesting

I was looking at the CIA World Factbook today. Here are some numbers:

• Population US- 303,824,640; Ethiopia - 82,544,840
• Median age US-36.7 years; Ethiopia - 16.9 years
• Birth rate US- 14.18 births/1,000 population; Ethiopia - 43.97 births/1,000 population
• Death rate US- 8.27 deaths/1,000 population; Ethiopia - 11.83 deaths/1,000 population
• Infant mortality rate US-total: 6.3 deaths/1,000 live births; Ethiopia - 82.64 deaths/1,000 live births
• Life expectancy at birth US- total population: 78.14 years; Ethiopia - 54.99 years
• Total fertility rate US- 2.1 children born/woman; Ethiopia - 6.17 children born/woman
• HIV/AIDS - people living with HIV/AIDS US- 950,000; Ethiopia - 1.5 million
• HIV/AIDS - deaths US- 17,011 (2005 est.); Ethiopia - 120,000 (2003 est.)
• Literacy US - 99%; Ethiopia - defined as age 15 and over can read and write total population: 42.7% ; male: 50.3% , female: 35.1% (2003 est.)

so close

I did it. I took today off school to complete the Dossier! :) I now have to wait a couple of days for the Denver Police to mail me the report. And then I can take the whole thing to the Sec. of the state as soon as I get that document. I think I can have this whole thing done and to IAN by the end of this week or early next week depending on how long the mail takes and how long the sec. of state takes. And that is just exciting! :)

It feels good to have everything in place. I took my 8 passport photos today. I didn't like the picture, but they are there ready for whatever they need them for! Ahhhh...

Dance-a-thon

Last night we had our big back to school meeting/potluck/fund-raiser. It was so nice seeing all of the families and which parents belong to which child and meeting the new families. Our theatre department is a community, a family. We are together sometimes for 7 years. So events like last night are fun to sit and talk to people and get to know each other a little better. I told the entire group about the adoption plans last night and many sought me out to talk a bit about it. I just got in the mail a request for another set of fingerprints for the USCIS (immigration) and remembered I still need to get passport photos to finish the dossier. Several parents told me to take a day off and FINISH that thing. There are recent reports that adoptions in Ethiopia are slowing which is scary. So I am taking their advice and taking Monday off to go get those last items done. Hopefully I can also get everything certified by the state too tomorrow. That would be the best possible scenario. Plus I danced the last full hour of the dance-a-thon fund-raiser with my students. This AM I am feeling my age...ugh... ;)

The kitchen is coming, the kitchen is coming!

Here's the beginning of my kitchen renovation. They had already begun the tearing down the wall. I'm standing in my living room which is where you enter my house. Then... the wall came down! :) It feels SO good even though there are wires hanging everywhere and dust all over my house. And Jake (cat) thinks he needs to roll in all the piles of dust every night and then track it all over my bed. I KNOW it is all worth it. Just seeing it in this condition makes me happy-- I feel so much more open and at home here now.

One last one...

I-600!

For many in the adoption process mailing the I-600 is a big step. It is getting a sealed copy of your homestudy and mailing it with another check of course to the USCIS (US Immigration). They will process my request to bring a child into the US from Ethiopia and I should receive clearance any time in the next 8 weeks. It is a large step forward in my process. I'm singing little songs today as I put my envelope in the mail. :)

I can't wait to get to the Denver Police Station and get my criminal clearance report and then I will be able to finish my dossier... the OTHER LARGE step in this process. All in all, when I come home every night to my kitties and dog, I imagine my other life that will be there soon.

Oh, and the kitchen renovation is ON! In two days they ripped out my wall and it is SO exciting. The house is coated in a fine powder and I have to live among boxes of dishes... but I can't wait for it to be complete. More than anything it finally feels more like HOME. :) Happiness.

First "parent training class"

Wow-- five hours is a long time to sit and listen. Especially about trauma/learning disabilities/fetal alcohol syndrome.... and everything else in the world that could be wrong with my child. I think since this is session 2, session 1 MUST be more positive-- it's just that I haven't been to that one yet. I also overheard another parent (who has several adopted children) talking over break, they said that 98% of the people in this room will get children like that-- gesturing to the board of learning disabled/traumatized children and that we need to accept that our children won't be like other children. And I get that. There is a chance with every child. There are good parents and bad. There are people who want to devote special playing time with their children every day. And there are those who don't. I don't think anyone goes into adoption lightly. This is a lot of work and time and money and struggle. I guess I just keep repeating the same thing I've said to people who worry about the "type" of child I will get-- life gives us all sorts of things, we deal with it as we can. I am a positive person with love to give to a child. I think that is the bottom line. I will deal with the issues and problems as they arise to the best of my ability. I will be educated going in as well. Hmmm.... I'm still happy. I am still on the right path for my life. Yesterday I imagined life in my house besides my kitties and dog. I can't wait.

I'm baaack...

I have returned from Scotland. Tired. A little under the weather. But good. I asked students if the year's worth of fund-raising (over $97,000) was worth it. They replied, on the first day in London, it was all worth it. We spent 2 days in London and 12 in Edinburgh, Scotland. We performed 4 times at a professional venue and here's the best part... We were reviewed by the Scotsman (THE paper to get a review in) and were awarded 4 out of 5 stars! Pretty much unheard of for a high school show. The review was brilliant. Here's the link to it if you want to read it: Scotsman Review

We got the review the day after our first show so our run was special as people from all over came to see our show, and not just American high school kids who were part of the festival. The best part about it was that this was an original show and they GOT IT. They understood what our message was so clearly. I feel like we were beyond successful with this journey and it truly changed my students' lives in so many ways.

Monday was the first day back to school (jetlagged, yea!) Today was the 3rd day and I told my beginning students (7th and 8th graders) about my adoption plans. A few had already heard but for the most part they were excited. I have just one more document and then I'll be done. I'm very excited about getting it all turned in. I also will take my first parenting class this Sat. at IAN. I've heard the best parts of these classes are to meet other parents going through the same process.

Exciting times! Back to school! :)

Hard week

Ugh. That's how I am feeling. I am finally letting the stress down of trying to finish the dossier before I go to Scotland on Monday. I realized today that it is not possible and even though I made it a deadline for myself, I simply cannot do it. I need to feel OK about that.

This week was tough. Starting back to school is always hard. I always forget how much energy it takes to stand and talk for 8 hours. Granted that's not what I did this week, but working for 6 hours a day on the show before going to Scotland was similar. There was lots of drama within a few relationships with students I was also trying to process and work on rebuilding. Though, no one knew that but me. And taking grief from my family of how much time and energy I give to the students (and as my mother tells me over and over-- without any extra pay) is taxing. Like I try to justify for them it is my passion, not my "job." I truly try to make a difference to the kids I teach. And it is unlike any school I've ever worked for. Building relationships with students when they are 12 and staying connected to who they are and what they need as they grow and change so radically until they are 18. Every day-- for two hours (or more if they are in a show with me) for seven years. I realize that many times the relationship blurs to more of a parent. And with that comes "breaking the rules" and "testing the boundaries" even more. I know my relationship with my mother when I was 15 was not a positive one. Sometimes kids start treating me like "mom." Which I guess will be handy when becoming a mom... I am very thankful for the lessons in parenting I have learned as a teacher. Being consistent (which is so hard to do), setting boundaries, and following through with consequences. I have to live by what I tell my students-- doing the right thing isn't always popular or doesn't always feel good. That will be huge to remind myself when I have a child.

I was stupid with my own emotional and physical energy this week as well. After rehearsal I would have meetings with various students, parents, or teachers getting ready for the trip and school year to begin-- which starts the morning after we return. And then coming home and reworking scenes in the show or music or movie cues. Helping to reshape pieces, or connect new pieces to the existing show. Reordering the whole show. Creating powerpoint presentations for the students about the contract and the rules they must follow while there. I was up until 1AM every night, working. Solid. Trying to prepare all to the best of my ability. On Thursday my voice started going. So I have a little summer cold that I am battling with vitamins. I think I should go take a nap and then do all my laundry to pack for tomorrow's journey. Laying low today will make a huge difference for the trip. I advised the students last night to all go home and get some rest as well--chagrined to hear several were going out "to party." I just pray they sleep on the plane ride there! :)

Here I go, off to the big blue yonder...

The Inconvenient Truths...

This week has been crazy. Basically, I am back to school-- 3 weeks early. On Monday night I leave for two weeks to go to Edinburgh, Scotland with 46 students and 10 parents/teachers to participate in the largest Theatre Festival in the world. We were nominated and "won" the opportunity to be one of 50 high schools featured at the Fringe through the American High School Theatre Festival organization. We created our own original show and have been working on it since January. We performed it for the first time in May and the second for a full audience tonight. We hadn't performed it since May until this Monday. We've been in rehearsal all week from 9-3 daily. I have two more papers to get done before my dossier is complete. I need to get on it ASAP. I am planning to do one of them tomorrow and if I can, I'll do both -- I don't know if the police station will be open to get the clearance. And then bright and early Monday take it all to the Secretary of State to get certified. Ahhh.. That's the plan. I just don't know if it will work. So I will be blog-less until I return from Scotland on Aug. 17. Cheerio!

PS-- the title of our original show is "The Inconvenient Truths" :)

my heart is still racing

You know how the news does that lead in from the last show about 10 minutes before they go on air? Well tonight's lead in was, "Find out which country has stopped 3000 adoptions in their tracks!" And my heart jolted. I said, "WHICH ONE?!" out loud. The next 12-15 minutes were not fun. I went onto the channel 9 website and looked for the story. It wasn't anywhere to be found. I searched "adoption" on their page. Nothing. So then I went to the IAN site and clicked on the Ethiopia page-- my heart sank. The photos that are usually scrolling there weren't there. Or maybe they just didn't load. But it gave me doubt. I started to really panic about the what ifs... the news started and I was still looking for something online. Every story I became more anxious to hear. On a lead out they flashed babies in a crib and they had dark skin. I said, "noooo" out loud. I realized that I was having a visceral reaction. A mother's reaction. My heart was pounding by the time the story came on and still I was yelling now, "WHICH COUNTRY?!" .................................Guatemala. I just realized how real this is for me now. I am not even referred. But the thought of not having a child this year... wow. Powerful. I am committed to this baby, heart and soul. And I FEEL for those people whose dreams were just crushed.

Stupid news.

scary things

I spent the morning reading all sorts of things online about adoption. From a NY Times article "Surge in Adoptions Raises Concern in Ethiopia" to a blog about transracial adoption http://transracial.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/the-popularity-of-ethiopia-adoption to several short stories/articles about post-adoption depression -- http://www.melissafaygreene.com/pages/adoption.html. Long stories about those 10% of adoptive families where it is not the glorious love-at-first-site wonderful sun-shining moment when they meet, or bring home their new child. The painful struggles they had for months and sometimes years with an adopted child. It put me in a daze of information. I took a nap this afternoon and dreamed about all the horror stories that I had read. I know that what ever life gives me I will take on with courage and positivity. I have extremely high hopes but I am not naive about the possibilities. It's that risk we all take in life. With internet resources it can all be overwhelming at times. I guess that's what today was... overwhelmed day.

I still feel 100% sure about all this. Tonight I got an email from my SW and she said my homestudy is DONE and will give it to IAN Thursday. Yea! So I need to wrap up the two things I still need for my dossier, and then I can move onto the waiting stage. :)

Oh, and I made Lemon Blueberry Muffins tonight with sweet potato puree. They were excellent. The Chocolate chip cookies with chickpeas-- also, amazing. I'm loving my new cookbook/way to cook.

Good food

I think I am in the "nesting" phase as Emily's post suggested a while back. I saw this cookbook on Oprah-- Deceptively Delicious by Jennifer Seinfeld (Jerry's wife) who has used vegetable purees in most of her cooking to insure her kids are eating their veggies. Well, I got it, a rice cooker, a food processor and then a TON of fresh veggies from the store. So far I have baked banana bread (for the first time), a beef stew (with broccoli puree) that I simmered for 4 hours, and chocolate chip cookies (with chickpeas). And I have to say I am an amazing cook! ;) I also steamed and pureed a ton of veggies including cauliflower, spinach, sweet potato, broccoli, and beets. They are all in little premeasured baggies ready for my next recipe. I think I'll make the chocolate cake with beets soon. Or the lemon blueberry muffins. I am just a baking/cooking/pureeing queen. I got very excited to make my own baby food too! :) Yea!!

http://www.deceptivelydelicious.com/site/index.php

Finished with my Home Study

Today was my final meeting with my social worker for my home study. It was also a deadline to turn in money--lots of it. Tomorrow I have my doctor's appointment (where I will get my proof of insurance/medical clearance) and then I need to go to the Police to get my criminal clearance and then...I'll BE DONE with the paperwork. There are still a couple of things I am waiting for in the mail. Then I'll have to go get it certified by the state. But I can't believe how close I am to submitting everything to the Ethiopian government and on my way to a referral! ;) I got excited again today doing the "home inspection" with my SW because I got to explain which room is the baby's room and what I'll be doing with it. Hee hee...

I'm on the way! Whoo hoo!

Shhh... I'm reading...

Currently in the midst of three different books. One is on Social Attachment issues, one is a memoir that Emily B gave me about an American boy who grew up in Ethiopia, and the other is "You're Chocolate, I'm Vanilla"-- which was suggested by my social worker about raising a child in a mixed race family. I can't decide which to read first, so I'm reading all of them a little at a time. That and trying to pull my dossier requirements together. I have to go to the Denver Police Department soon and have them write a letter that states I'm not a criminal and notarize it! Even though my fingerprints have been sent to the FBI and the CBI. I guess they can't tell if I have/have not been arrested by that?? Ok, I'm taking a break and taking two nieces and my nephew to the Aquarium! Yea! :)

Refrigeration

This morning my new refrigerator was delivered! :) I have needed a new frig for 10 years! Finally. And my dishwasher. However, I will have to have the kitchen remodeled before I can actually USE the dishwasher! But it is here.

Last night I met with a mother of two Ethiopian boys and three biological kids too! We talked for a couple of hours and it was so great to discuss all that is happening and all the questions that bounce around my mind with someone who has been through this whole process. It filled me with so much information that I am still processing everything we discussed. I think I actually replayed the entire conversation in my dreams last night. I woke up several times in the night and I was still listening and asking questions.

I also received two of the books I ordered in the mail yesterday and I started reading them. Again the questions I've been thinking about are also echoed in the books I am reading. It is so excited and scary and wonderful and worrisome. So many feelings are going through me.

Still in the process of securing my loan. Yea! :)

Money, money, money....

My second interview is over! :) One more and my homestudy will be complete. I just got my Dossier checklist from my agency in the mail today too. I don't understand why notarized isn't enough, but for EVERY document I have they have to be CERTIFIED by the state they originated in. Hmmm... that stinks! Now I have to collect the following: an adoption petition (a letter saying I want to adopt), an original birth certificate, an original divorce decree, a criminal clearance report from my local police, an employment verification letter from DPS, a notarized/certified letter from my doctor saying I'm in good enough health to raise a child, a letter from my bank, copies of the last 3 years of my tax returns, proof of medical insurance, proof of medical insurance for my adopted child, three notarized letters of reference, three notarized letters of power of attorney, and 8 passport photos of me. All of the above have to be certified and notarized. Certified means that I have to take the notarized document to the secretary of state (to the state that it was notarized in) and they have to certify the document? Wha?? Yes. What a pain in the buttocks! Ugh.

But my interview was fun. We talked a lot about my childhood and who I am. Easy. We will do the "home inspection" next time. I am getting a new refrigerator tomorrow. So the home inspection will give me motivation to clean and organize the "junk room." One week... can I do it?

I also looked at new kitchen cabinets today. Some are very very pretty. And very very expensive. On one hand, if I'm spending all the money to redo the kitchen I should use good materials. On the other, I'm spending all my money on redoing the kitchen and don't have much extra for the materials. It's an odd place to be!

I'm still working on securing my loan. I have two possible places. It's hard to guesstimate how much I'll need for the remodel, adoption, and travel to Ethiopia. Hmmm...

Things are happening

I am so excited as I have been wanting to renovate my kitchen since I moved into my little house. And the expected child is just my motivation because I currently don't have a dishwasher. And EVERYONE knows you have to have a dishwasher with a child! ; ) Ok, so everyone who has a child doesn't have a dishwasher, but it is all the motivation I needed! Yesterday I finally met with a contractor to go over my renovation. I'm knocking out a wall and moving some things around. Then my mom and dad and I went to Sears (Factory Outlet) and I bought a new refrigerator (something I've needed for 10 years) and a DISHWASHER!!! They will be delivered on Friday. I have nowhere to put a dishwasher now, so it will be a wonderful center piece in my living room for a couple of weeks. Today I need to finalize a loan and go look for cabinets! Totally exciting! Yea!

Questions being asked...

One of my grad school friends was excited about my adoption and asked several questions about the process. I guess I should detail what I know here in case others are wondering.

1) Why Ethiopia? I spoke in a little detail about this below. I was inspired by the Barr family and their two boys from Ethiopia. I met the boys right when I was beginning to research adoption. People ask why not from the US-- but as a single parent it is very difficult to get an infant. Most agencies ask you to adopt sibling groups of kids to get a younger child. I just am not in a place to do that. I looked at Guatemala and Russia a lot. China has changed their rules and will not let single women adopt right now. I found a website http://www.whfc.org/adoption/ethiopia/default.htm that has photo albums of their orphanage, the workers, and their children waiting. I fell in love with their faces, their eyes, the beauty of all the photos--from the smiles of the caregivers, to the countryside. That's pretty much all I needed. And the cost was a factor-- I found places that would cost upwards of $50,000. I finally found IAN and Ethiopia and my total cost will be somewhere between $15,000 and $20,000. It will be my best loan of all time!

2) What/when/how? I have just started the process which begins with a Homestudy. This means a social worker is assigned to my case and over three or four interviews will ask me all sorts of questions about being a parent and then recommend that I am a good candidate (or not) to the state, Ethiopia, and the agency. Once I complete the homestudy process in Colorado my Dossier (a big word for a bunch of documents --like my birth certificate, proof of insurance, proof of employment, letters of reference) will be sent to Ethiopia and then they will work on placing a child with me. They will then send photos and information about a child to me. Then my case will go to court in Ethiopia and I will be notified that I should come to Ethiopia. When I get to Ethiopia my child will legally be mine (adopted in Ethiopia) before I even see him. Then I have to do more legal work (not sure about this part yet) and stay in Ethiopia for about a week and then return with my baby! :) There is a possibility of trying to visit my child's birth village/city. And even possibly meeting some of his/her birth family. This is all up in the air until referral and I know more about the child.

3) Boy vs. Girl. My social worker actually put on my paperwork that I strongly prefer a boy, but will be open to a girl-- just in case I fall in love with a girl. If the paperwork says that I am only approved for a boy, it could cause lots of problems. I have four beautiful nieces and one nephew. I think it's time for more maleness in family gatherings! :) I just feel good about being a single mom with a son. There is a bond there that I can't define... But in two or four more years I will probably do this all again and get a baby girl then! :)

I've got my reading list for a while

Today I ordered several books from an Amharic phrase book so I can start learning some words that my baby will know, to Ethiopian history/travel books, to books about adoption, mixed race families, and social attachment issues. I am very excited for the books to come! If anyone out there in blog land knows of great books on adoption to read, please post a comment and let me know. :)

Since it is the weekend and holiday I'm on hold waiting for my IAN rep to get back to me about specifics in paperwork I am needing to fill out.

I can't help my mind drifting to constantly thinking about the child that will become mine. He is probably being born this month. I am trying to understand his life now and why he will become an orphan. The circumstances that surround his eventual need for me in his life will shape him forever and I will have to try to help him understand the world and his life before me. I read a little about creating a lifebook for him. I am still investigating that idea. I think if I can educate myself about Ethiopian culture and issues that surround adopted kids I will be best prepared to help guide him and help give him answers to his questions as he grows up.

I am planning on recording the sounds in the orphanage when I am there. And asking his caregivers to sing any of the songs they may sing in the orphanage to me (and my laptop). I know that for a baby/toddler with all of the things in life drastically changing if I can provide one sense-- the sense of sound-- that can be familiar it might help keep a calming influence once we leave. And I will also take photos of his surroundings and caregivers and then put them on the wall around his crib. Ah, well. These are the thoughts that keep me up at night...

First Home Study Visit

Well, I have been gone to Lincoln, Nebraska for a week of THESPIAN things. I took 40 kids to the International Thespian Convention-- whoo hoo. It was fun but I was ready to be back home. I told a couple of my students that I had begun the process and one actually cried she was so happy for me. My seniors have been watching me for 2 years try to get pregnant and they know how much having a child means to me. They were very very excited and I already have my first 20 babysitters lined up! :)

Tuesday I spent the day rearranging furniture. My grandmother died in November and my dad just went back to clean out her house. They brought me a chest of drawers and a vanity. I also got a new TV. I have determined that the bedroom I currently use as my "TV room" will become the baby's room. So I had to rearrange three rooms of things. I worked all day into the night to make it happen. My parents also gave me a crib that was my brother's son's. It is exciting. It is standing against the wall in the room. That means this is finally becoming REAL!!! Although I haven't put it together because I don't want to jinx it yet! ;)

Susie, my social worker, came over at 2:30PM. I handed her all the paperwork I have been collecting. The only thing I have left is my medical letter and my proof of employment letter. I already tried to get that but they called me Mr. Hann and they didn't notarize it. But once I do those two things I can start building my Dossier. I'm making copies of everything too so I think that will be easier once it starts. I was nervous I realized as the meeting started. Wondering are there things that people have said in the past that made the social worker deny adoption. But Susie was great and put me at ease. I am very excited to start. She also told me that someone brought home a 5 month old girl! That is so great. I'm thinking mine will be 7-9mons old. She asked questions like would I be open to a girl or siblings. We put on the paper work that I strongly desired a boy, but would be open to a girl. Just in case I fall in love with a girl! My mind is pretty set on a boy right now though.

I've set my next two appointments with Susie over the next two weeks. We will be done with our meetings by July 17. Then she goes to Disneyland and I go to Scotland with my students. When I get back, school starts and most of my paperwork will be complete. I am looking into starting my classes ASAP. This is so exciting!

Assigned a Social Worker

My social worker just called and she sounds wonderfully pleasant! :) She gave me a run down of what to expect and we scheduled our first meeting on July 3 at my home. She told me not to worry that the "house inspection" will come later. I asked if there was anything I could start on before then and she gave me some ideas. I'll need copies of my passport, drivers license, insurance card, and a photo of me. The last three years of my tax return. A medical letter from my doctor after completing a physical. And yesterday I got a packet from IAN with other information. I've already mailed my background check in and my initial questionnaire for my SW today. And I also got my fingerprints done today and have them sitting in my mailbox with a money order for $39.50 awaiting tomorrow's mail. I am wanting to get my three letters of reference done but worry they have to be in a specific format so I'll wait to get the answers at my first meeting. I bought a divided expanded file case and have labeled five of the pockets already! My birth certificate and my divorce decree should be on their way soon as I ordered one by phone and one by fax. Hopefully we'll see them soon in the mail! :) Count down begins on the fingerprint clearance! Whoo hoo!

This is like telling people I'm pregnant!

I just realized after two years of fertility treatments and trying to get pregnant that when I tell people that I have chosen an agency and they say I could have a baby in 6 months...it's like FINALLY telling people I am pregnant. I always wondered how soon I'd tell people if it actually happened, you know, you are always supposed to wait for the first trimester or whatever to make sure that the pregnancy really takes. But now I KNOW it will happen. It could be as early as 6 months, but it's OK if it takes a year. The important thing about this is that I will have a child soon. I will finally be a mommy. And the best part is that I will be helping a child in need, that wants me as much as I want them. :)

It has begun

After much thinking and a great email response from Shawn R who brought home a beautiful baby girl this year through IAN I have made my choice. I submitted my application TODAY and I am beginning this journey. I haven't told anyone yet... my parents are out of town. But I am excited to begin the process. Today I ordered new official copies of my birth certificate and my divorce decree. They should be here within a month. I will begin the home study process in July. Talking with Aneata at IAN she said the last three families brought their baby girls home in 6 months. WOW! It could be as fast as 6 months. I got so excited about which room will become my BABY'S room! Finally... I can't believe this is beginning. : )

So many choices

This trek now begins... I have been researching adoption for about two years, specifically Ethiopian adoption for one year. One of my student's families adopted two beautiful boys from Ethiopia two years ago. I am a single woman who married my high school sweetheart at 22 and divorced at 26. I've been dedicated to my career since but have always desperately wanted a family. I have tried insemination off and on for two years with no luck. And although I'd like to experience having a child myself, I have now come to realize that there are so many children in this world who need a mother, why try to create a child? Seeing the photos of the beautiful children in Ethiopia was all I needed to finalize that choice.

The most difficult part of this process so far has been choosing an agency and knowing what questions to ask. Em (my student's mom) tells me that the most important thing is to interview potential agencies and find the one that feels right. I'm just unsure about what questions to ask in my interview. I am a trusting soul and I fear that this trust may get me in trouble in this process. We will see.

Online I liked Wide Horizons a lot, however they are not local. I am beginning to really like International Adoption Net that's based here in Colorado. They are in their second year and have their 31st family that they are helping bring babies home. I have filled out the application and am just waiting to send it off. Hmmm.... not sure what I am waiting for?