Hard week

Ugh. That's how I am feeling. I am finally letting the stress down of trying to finish the dossier before I go to Scotland on Monday. I realized today that it is not possible and even though I made it a deadline for myself, I simply cannot do it. I need to feel OK about that.

This week was tough. Starting back to school is always hard. I always forget how much energy it takes to stand and talk for 8 hours. Granted that's not what I did this week, but working for 6 hours a day on the show before going to Scotland was similar. There was lots of drama within a few relationships with students I was also trying to process and work on rebuilding. Though, no one knew that but me. And taking grief from my family of how much time and energy I give to the students (and as my mother tells me over and over-- without any extra pay) is taxing. Like I try to justify for them it is my passion, not my "job." I truly try to make a difference to the kids I teach. And it is unlike any school I've ever worked for. Building relationships with students when they are 12 and staying connected to who they are and what they need as they grow and change so radically until they are 18. Every day-- for two hours (or more if they are in a show with me) for seven years. I realize that many times the relationship blurs to more of a parent. And with that comes "breaking the rules" and "testing the boundaries" even more. I know my relationship with my mother when I was 15 was not a positive one. Sometimes kids start treating me like "mom." Which I guess will be handy when becoming a mom... I am very thankful for the lessons in parenting I have learned as a teacher. Being consistent (which is so hard to do), setting boundaries, and following through with consequences. I have to live by what I tell my students-- doing the right thing isn't always popular or doesn't always feel good. That will be huge to remind myself when I have a child.

I was stupid with my own emotional and physical energy this week as well. After rehearsal I would have meetings with various students, parents, or teachers getting ready for the trip and school year to begin-- which starts the morning after we return. And then coming home and reworking scenes in the show or music or movie cues. Helping to reshape pieces, or connect new pieces to the existing show. Reordering the whole show. Creating powerpoint presentations for the students about the contract and the rules they must follow while there. I was up until 1AM every night, working. Solid. Trying to prepare all to the best of my ability. On Thursday my voice started going. So I have a little summer cold that I am battling with vitamins. I think I should go take a nap and then do all my laundry to pack for tomorrow's journey. Laying low today will make a huge difference for the trip. I advised the students last night to all go home and get some rest as well--chagrined to hear several were going out "to party." I just pray they sleep on the plane ride there! :)

Here I go, off to the big blue yonder...